“Happily ever after is not a fairytale. It’s a choice.”- Fawn Weaver
I don’t think I know many people who can say they don’t believe in the statement above. It’s one of the most accurate quotes I’ve come across in terms of love and relationships. Marriage especially.
I’ve only been married for a year. But I can honestly say that I’ve learned so much already. In order to be happy in your marriage, or any relationship for that matter, it takes your decision to be happy. To work for the things that will make your relationship work for you and your spouse.
I saw the following post on a marriage page on Facebook, and thought it relevant of this topic:
“Marriage isn’t about “meeting in the middle” or splitting everything 50/50. That’s what Divorce is about! Marriage must be 100/100. It’s both Spouses giving all they have to give to love, serve and provide for each other. Even when your Spouse isn’t “pulling their weight,” continue to fulfill your vows and give them your best. Don’t give up on each other.”
Marriage isn’t 50-50. It definitely takes 100% from both people, everyday, to keep the relationship afloat. If one side is fighting for the relationship, and the other has given up…well lets just say been there, done that and it doesn’t work out.
I don’t mean fighting in a physical or emotionally painful sense. I mean working toward the common goal of being happy together. Lifting each other up to make them the best version of themselves.
I spent a few months thinking that marriage shouldn’t be so much work. It seemed like a simple concept: if you loved someone enough, it just worked. I soon realized that even the happiest of relationships won’t last unless both people are present and actively contributing to the relationship.
The idea of marriage counseling scared the bejeezus out of me when my husband brought the idea to me. Why would two 22 year old newlyweds need marriage counseling?! My husband explained to me about the retreats the military did for couples that helped teach you how to deal with some of the struggles military couples faced, and I agreed to go. Still skeptical, but happy I wouldnt be sitting down pouring out our problems to a therapist, I actually was excited to go.
And I ended up learning SO much! It was such a blessing to see that other couples go through the same issues, and to learn ways of dealing with it without it resulting in an argument.
I learned a very valuable lesson from these marriage seminars (probably a more accurate term for it since it was not just about us). It’s good to start working on your relationship at the start of it. I think there will be less chances of divorce or separation in mine, as well as other young couples relationships because we care enough to get a head start on learning more about marriage, the struggles, and how to handle them.
I HIGHLY recommend that everyone, no matter what age or how far along in your relationship you are, go get marriage counseling or go to a marriage seminar somewhere! I realize not everyone has the benefits I do as a military spouse, but I know there are counselors, chaplains, neighborhood groups, etc that can offer something similar. Find what works for you and your spouse, and continue to learn and grow together as a couple. It’s truly remarkable the difference it makes.
My point: a happy marriage takes work, whether we’re happy about that or not. It’s about learning and growing, and actively wanting your relationship to succeed. It takes 100% from both people, and can lead to a lifetime of happiness. Stay honest and open to new ideas. Work with each other, not against each other. And once you find what works, never give up on one another. Only then will you get your fairytale. ❤