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Reality and Wonderland

Lately I’ve been feeling unhappy with where I am in my life. Now before You start judging and telling me to stop complaining, let me explain this:

I absolutely am madly in love with my husband, I adore my 3 kitties who give us endless hours of laughs and cuddles, I LOVE Washington and it’s beauty, and I am EXTREMELY thankful for all the opportunities and experiences I’ve had brought my way.

But….

I feel I have a purpose in life, as most people do I assume. Everyone has a dream. Whether it be to grow up and own your own business, be a doctor, a dancer….whatever path, you want it. And most people would do whatever they could to get it, right?

Well what do you do when you are unsure of what your dream is? Unsure of what your purpose is? How do you find it and make this one life you get exactly what you want it to be?

This is the chasm I have dug myself. I spent 2 years at an amazing university, for nothing. I spent another 2 years thinking I finally had it figured out, got a degree, and I have barely used any of those skills. Realistically, going back to school would be stupid. But how else can I figure out what I want to do that will fulfill my need for purpose?

Suck it up, and go for what you want. Despite whatever qualifications are required, go for it.

There’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but I am also afraid of it too. But the more I think about it, the more it feels absolutely right.

I learned about a year or so ago that if you aren’t happy, then only YOU can do something to change it and make it better for yourself. In the words of Alice in Wonderland, “I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.”

In many ways I feel like Alice. My idea of what I want my life to be is a sort of Wonderland. I’m lost in reality because it isn’t what I want it to be.

I suppose I’ll just have to continue my adventure until I find what my purpose is. At least my hookah smoking caterpillar and Cheshire Cat are good company 🙂

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